I’m back baby… Running that is

Today’s daily food intake…

Okay, maybe not running, but I’m back to my shuffling. So WooHoo and yay me!

Admittedly it took me two days more than I was saying it would. I swore I was going to get back out there on Friday and do it, but woke up so sore that I just couldn’t physically do it, and then I just lost my nerve. I know it sounds stupid for me to be scared to go for a shuffle/jog after only a little tumble, and it’s really hard to put into words the stupid irrational fears I have in my head. But I’ll try.

Three and a bit years ago I left my house in the morning to go to work. It was my fifth day at a brand new job, a job which I loved and was so excited to be going to. I stepped out on the path and there was broken concrete under my foot, which I hadn’t really noticed before. Hadn’t noticed until it came out from under my feet and I fell down. Hard. I smashed my wrist up, both bones, right up near the top where I couldn’t just have it wrapped in a cast. No, I had to do it hard and ended up with a plate in my wrist.

Broken Wrist

Side view of plate

Front view of plate

That alone was enough to scare the beejeezus out of me. I was too scared to walk alone anywhere because I didn’t want to fall over again. I went from being a girl who would wear heels everywhere, dancing for hours in stilettos, to someone who was too scared to walk with even flat shoes on, like I had on when I actually fell – that’s the weird part, I was wearing damned flat shoes when it happened. That broken wrist was just the start of the crappiness that followed though. I ended up with full blown pneumonia a week and a bit later – a result of the surgery on my wrist, and then it was almost a weekly trip back to the doctors having blood tests and ultrasounds to find out what was going on with my body after that – think liver and kidney problems. Then started the therapy to get movement back in my wrist – almost (actually sometimes moreso) as painful as breaking the wrist. Finally two months later I got back to that job I loved, but by then just getting to and from work was a struggle in itself.

But the worst, was the constant feeling of sadness and despair that came with all of this. Took me a while to really talk to the doctor about it, but eventually I was diagnosed with full blown depression – something I’d been fighting for years, but never done anything about because of the shame that I associated with it. But when I went to the doctor one day and just couldn’t actually get any words out because of the tears that were choking up my throat. I couldn’t explain what was wrong with me. I didn’t know why I wanted to cry all the time, why getting out of bed every day was a struggle. How just looking at the scar that I now had on my wrist could leave me sitting in a pile of mush for days and make me want to vomit. That was probably the best doctor visit I ever made, because to be honest, I don’t know where I’d be today if I hadn’t gone to the docs.

This is just a quick overview of the crap that happened all at the same time. I know it wasn’t all caused by the broken wrist, but every time I think of falling, I just associate it with bad things. Very bad things. It’s stupid. It’s irrational. But it’s just something that’s so hard to get over. I’m trying and the fact that I actually got back out there today and did a jog (a slow and careful jog, with Mick right by my side the whole time – even though he caved earlier than I did…) shows that I’ve come a long way, because three years ago I would have gone back inside, shut the door and not gone back outside for a week – and that’s after sitting down and bawling for a few hours. One day, I’ll be able to get back up after falling, brush it aside and just keep going. But until then I’ll just take it one day at a time and keep trying.

But the positive thing to take away from this (very maudlin – I’m sorry, it wasn’t where I was going with this post, it just kinda came out) is that…

I jogged again today.

Yeah baby, I’m back!

Fitness is that you?

Today’s daily food intake…

I got up this morning after my disastrous attempts yesterday to do my C25K run at the bright and early time of 6.30am. I did briefly consider ignoring the alarm and sleeping for another hour, but two things spurred me on:

  1. 1) I really didn’t want to have to say that I failed again, and
  2. 2) Mick said to me last night before we went to sleep that he doubted I would get up when my alarm went off and that I would sleep in and not do my morning shuffle (I can’t call it a run or a jog, because all I do is shuffle – in a jog like kind of way).

So with those two things spurring me on, I got up, got dressed, got my phone hooked up – RunKeeper on, music ready and C25K app open and ready. And off I went.

I happen to live in a very gorgeously beautiful town and right next to the ocean, so my track took me along the ocean edge on a walking trail. It was all good up to the point that the trail stopped. Because when the trail stopped, I was faced with beach – sand, lots of sand. I can’t run well at the best of times, trying to run on sand was hell. But I did it and when I got to the end and looked back over where I had come it was so beautiful that I stopped to take a photo.

Now here’s a hint for everyone out there. If you use the C25K app on a HTC Desire and press stop, then go into your camera to take a photo, you may find yourself having to start all over again. Because that’s where I found myself. When I’d finished taking my photos I went to restart C25K, only to find that it had shut down and when I re-opened, it faced me with the start screen!!! No!!! I could not believe that had happened to me. (But on the plus side, take a look at the gorgeous views I had while doing my shuffle…)

It was at that point I could have screamed (if it wasn’t for all the campervans in the area I was standing in, I was a little afraid of the people I’d wake up), so I stomped off, full of huff and fury, leaving the C25K off and trudged home.

So now I have to restart the program from the beginning, but I think I may give it another few weeks before I try again. Between Zumba last night and the shuffle this morning my knees were very tight and swollen feeling today and I think I may have overdone it just a tad. But it’s nothing that a fantastic swim this afternoon didn’t fix up.

Now, speaking of swimming. I started doing laps at the local pool about three weeks ago – going twice a week and swimming, in the beginning, for an hour – doing 40 laps, which equals 1km. And three weeks ago, it took me 58 minutes to do those 40 laps and each lap was a struggle. I couldn’t even do a whole lap of breaststroke, I had to do a bit of a paddle in between. It’s amazing how far I have come in just three weeks.

Tonight I powered through my first 14 laps in just under 15 minutes and pretty much the whole time I was doing breaststroke (well, my version of it anyway – I’m planning on taking adult lessons to learn the proper technique). It was hard and I was damn puffed, but I was amazed at just how quick I did those laps tonight and how many of them were pure breaststroke. It seems that I may just be increasing in my fitness after all. It’s very exciting and it’s definitely keeping me going.

My aim now is to see how many laps I can swim in 60 minutes, rather than how long it takes me to swim 40 laps.

12WBT day fifty five – Post triathalon

So yesterday was triathalon day. I had been dreading this day from the moment I heard about it, and even more so because I didn’t get a chance to do the mini triathalon the week before, so I really had no idea what to expect. I mean, I’ve not been the most dedicated person in respect to the exercise part of this program. I stand by the fact that I don’t really enjoy exercising, I am by nature a lazy person who likes to sit and read, and I really don’t enjoy the sweaty stinky feeling of exercise. The most I have ever done was two classes when I was going to Fernwood gym and those classes only went for 45mins and well one of them was a BodyBalance class and I never really got much of a sweat up doing BodyBalance (it was my cheats way of exercising I always felt).

But yesterday I was under instruction from Michelle Bridges to do a triathalon. We had choices – we could do a set of a 5km walk/jog, 800m swim and 10km bike ride if we were doing it at home or if we were doing it at a gym we had options of doing 3000m on the rowing machine, 10km on the bike and 5km on the treadmill or if we weren’t inclined to do that (which I wasn’t….) we could do three classes back to back. So here is me looking at this trying to work out what to do and I thought hmmm I’ll take the option of the classes, because classes are only 45mins each, which will get me in and out in just over 2 hours. Did I take into consideration that just because Fernwood classes were only 45mins didn’t necessarily mean that The Lodge would have classes of the same duration? In a word – no. So I got sucked in to doing three one hour classes back to back – BodyPump followed by BodyCombat finishing with Zumba.

And you know what. I DID IT. Oh yeah, I’m shouting it from the rooftops, because it is the first time I have ever done it (and quite possibly the last). I was joined in my endeavor by the wonderful Miss Kathy who kept me bolstered and going (by threatening to hold onto my leg and drag me back into the class if I tried to leave I admit), but who just made the whole thing more bearable and fun. Yes I did say fun. Because it really was. It was mind numbing, and draining and painful, but it was kind of fun. And I have never felt so accomplished in my life. I’m so damn proud of myself for dong it, but I’m also pretty damned proud of myself for not dying afterwards (though today, the pain really has set in and everything just hurts).

The trainers who were teaching the classes were great. The BodyPump class wasn’t my favourite, only because there were parts of it that were very hard for me to do with my wrist, but at those points I modified somehow. The BodyCombat class was a tag-team affair between two of the instructors and it was by far my favourite of the three classes (in fact I will be doing this class at least three times next week), with a lot of boxing moves in it, which I LOVE The Zumba class at the end was my least favourite. I love doing Zumba at home, but in a class situation I just didn’t like it. The instructor really didn’t take time to explain the steps very well, just seeming content with the fact that there were a lot of returnees. However, there were also about 7 of us newbies in the class, so I found for most of the hour I was quite lost and just doing whatever I wanted. All in all though – a great three hours.

So I didn’t blog last night because I was knackered (went shopping with my mum after the gym, and got some great material for my little sisters baby quilt – pictures shall come soon) so tonight, I give you my daily stats for yesterday (day fifty four) followed by daily stats for today.

FoodCalories in
BServe of All Bran with 1/2 cup milk226
LTuna 6" subway – no cheese300
DChicken stew400

ExerciseCalories out

3Hrs Triathalon – BodyPump, BodyCombat & Zumba1521
Triathalon details, 35% fat – avg HR 132 (71%), Max HR 169 (91%) 
Calories surplus/defecit-2277

Daily stats for Sunday:

FoodCalories in
B 2 pieces toast with cheese306
LTuna 6" subway – no cheese, missing half the bread250
DLamb roast400

ExerciseCalories out

No exercise today0
Calories surplus/defecit-726

It’s the small things

Yes, I know I have been extremely slack in updating the blog lately. I’ve also been pretty slack in keeping my own eating diary up to date, which is pretty bad, because I tend to forget things if they aren’t written down. But I know that I’ve been eating okay, because my diet tends to be pretty much the same I know that I’m doing okay by the loss on the scales. But you know how it goes, life just gets in the way of “stuff”, in this instance, life just got in the way of blogging.

And when I say life, I mean 12WBT has gotten in the way. I mentioned in an earlier post that I joined the gym, and this time (yes, I’ve gone down the gym route before, as readers of my previous blog on here would know) I am determined to do it right and keep it up. And two weeks into my joining the gym, I’m going quite well. I’d love to say that I’m doing fantastically, but I’m not, but that is more due to the fact that I seem to keep coming down with this dreaded lurgy. But I’m going as often as I can and I’m enjoying it and I’m loving doing the weight training again and more importantly I’m still motivated, normally by now the motivation has worn off.

Amongst other things that have gotten in the way of my blogging, is my quilting, which I have gotten right into. I started a quilt for our bed last year (and this is still a work in progress) and then got sidetracked, because cutting out 300 squares of cord was just killer on my wrist. But earlier this year a friend had a baby boy, and as I was organising her baby shower, I thought of doing her something special to mark the baby’s arrival (her first child). So at the baby shower I had all the guests write on small squares of white material, which I then took home and quilted up with some gorgeous blues and voila – one hand made, unique baby quilt. I have to say I fell in love with this quilt while doing it. I was quite sad to give it to her too, because it’s officially the first quilt I have ever made. But really, what am I going to do with a quilt full of messages from people I don’t know? The bonus is she loved it, and I know that he is going to grow up with a blanket that has a lot of meaning to him. (You can see pictures of the quilt here)

So admittedly I just went on a bit of a ramble, because this post is about the small things I’m noticing that make weight loss such a great thing. I think for me, the smallest, but by far the biggest thing is how easy it is for me to hold my partners hand now. Seems strange doesn’t it? But I’ve lost weight in my fingers, so wrapping my fingers into his is not such a struggle anymore, they just fit together nicely and I love it. I’m not in general a touchy feely sort of person, I like my personal space and can’t really remember the last time I hugged family (except my mum) but I always have to hug and kiss and be near my partner. He’s the only one I can stand being around that much. So to be able to hold his hand with ease is such a great feeling.

Another great feeling? Sleeping at night. The more weight I lose (did I mention, 14.3kg gone now, oh yeah!) the easier it is for me to breathe. I can talk for longer periods at a time (okay, maybe not the greatest thing that) without losing my breath, but more importantly, when I lie down, I don’t have all this weight pressing down on my lungs. I still have a lot of weight there, don’t get me wrong, but god I can’t wait until I’m at my goal weight, because then, breathing will just be a breeze. But I find I am getting such a better sleep at night, because I’m just getting so much more air into my lungs.

Lastly, but by no means least. My clothes are getting too big!!! We’re like everybody else in the world at the moment, money is tight, saving for a house deposit, bills come in etc etc and I can’t really afford to be going out buying new clothes (which I haven’t yet, I’m putting that off for a bit longer), but I’m having to get rid of a whole lot of my clothes because they are just too big for me and some of the pants literally fall off me now and I’m happy about it, happy about having to buy new clothes and spend precious money. It says a lot about my fluctuating weight though, that I have so many different sizes of clothes at home, that it’s not necessary for me to rush out to buy clothes that fit, because I’m starting to recycle back into old clothes that I had worn a few years ago. The thing I’m doing different this time though, is that I’m giving away all the clothes that are now too big for me. Previously I would have kept them for “just in case”, which is probably why I never really noticed my weight piling back on, because I would just move to a different end of the wardrobe to find clothes that fit me, it wasn’t necessary for me to have to face facts that my clothes were shrinking, I was putting on weight, because I could still fit the clothes in my wardrobe. I conveniently ignored the fact that the clothes I was wearing were 2 sizes bigger……. But this time, they’re going. There will be no safety net for me to fall back into. And any of the clothes that I particularly love, I’m going cut up and quilt. It will be my weight loss journey quilt (I did say I was getting onto the quilting thing again right lol).

So there’s my ramble today, about some of the small things that make my weight loss great. There are lots more reasons, but for me, these three things really stand out. What makes your weight loss great for you?

So a new week is about to begin

Oh the excitement I am feeling right now is quite indescribable. I got my nutrition and workout plans for the official kick-off of the 12 Week Body Transformation program this afternoon. Lots of exciting meals, that have been all worked out for me, all I have to do is cook them. Again, can I say – EXCITED! My 1200 calories a day are now sorted.

I suppose I should be a bit more excited about the exercise plan, but lets face it – my life revolves around food. I spend pretty much most of my day thinking about it, and the other part of my day eating it. So there really isn’t much room left for me to get excited even thinking about exercise let alone doing it. However, as a new fitness guru in the making (ahem, yes that would be me), I am determined to start enjoying my exercise and not putting it off with dumb and weak excuses.

So excuse me, but I must now go and read over my menu again for the coming week (and perhaps do a few modifications for breakfast – baked beans on a Monday morning isn’t really my thing).

Oh and just a quick P.S. – My black work pants are now a little loose on me. I have only lost about 4kg so far, but already they are looser. God it’s a nice feeling.