And here returns the slackness


WOW for someone who was going to post every single day in October, I’ve not really done so well have I?
Let’s see what else has fallen off the bandwagon shall we?

Rocktober? Umm that’s a bust. I hadn’t exercised at all until today….

Octsober? Huh, this one was supposed to be the easiest one for me to do. Then we went to Adelaide for 5 days and had a hellish time, so I bought a bottle of Kahluah. Yep, been having a few glasses here and there throughout the weeks to add onto the Adelaide trip. So nope, Octosober is a bust.

Blogtoberfest? Well, lack of posting shows that I haven’t been doing that. I’ve tried to get crafty as well, but that’s just not happened either. Lots of good intentions, followed up by no action.

Lead up to NaNoWriMo? Also a BIG HUGE BUST. I really haven’t done much with the month so far, except crocheting. I’ve been doing a bit of that. NaNo is the one thing that has me worried though, because I really want to complete it this year and I want to do a great thing with my story.

So, do I have any excuses? Nope, none. Just general lack of caring. Add to that, more family dramas and I just lost motivation or care factor to do anything at all. But I did join a gym today. It’s only for ten days, but i’m going to see how it goes, and then see if I can find money in my budget to keep on going after that. I need to get back into doing something that makes me feel good and energised. I need to get back into losing weight. I need to stop saying I need and rather actually DO.

Speaking of weight. Weighed myself today and am quite disgusted to note that I have gone back up to 105.8kg. I’m more than when I officially started the 12WBT challenge at the beginning of the year. So I’m going to attempt to set myself another goal. By the end of this year, I would like to be 95kg. That’s only 10kg, but it should be doable. So here we go again, let’s get rocking for October and make the most of the rest of this month. And here’s to more posting and crafting 🙂

Lessons learned

Today’s daily food intake…

I feel so tired and zonked tonight, but I really have no reason to be. I was all geared up for swimming tonight, which was going to be followed by an aquaerobics class at the same place with Miss A. I left work, bag all packed and ready, rocked up to the pool to be faced with a sign saying that the pool was “unfortunately closed today due to unforseen circumstances and will re-open at 7am on Wednesday”. I was crestfallen and gobsmacked all at the same time. Then the loss set in. I didn’t know what to do. Should I go home and do a dvd or should I go for a walk? What, what, what do I do?

So I thought I’d go down to the K-Mart and buy Michelle Bridges Seek & Destroy Cardio Kicker dvd. After walking around the shop and the dvd section in particular for nearly half an hour I finally found a sales assistant who kindly informed me that, “No sorry, we don’t sell exercise dvd’s here”. WTF??? What kind of shopping centre is this? Sometimes I hate Port Lincoln, seriously. (Not really, I love it here, I just hate the lack of shopping facilities).

Fine I thought, I have the Michelle Bridges Super Shredder Circuit dvd at home, I’ve never done it so that will be something different from Zumba. I got home, got changed, got Hettie working and started. I made it all the way through the warm up to the point where Michelle goes over the different exercises in the circuit. I seriously nearly cried at this point. It was full of push-ups and dips, all the things I physically cannot do with my wrist. So I stopped the dvd and put on some old Jillian Michaels thing I have that someone gave me. Doesn’t have a title or anything but it was killer. I lasted a whole 10 minutes before I just caved in and gave up.

I felt weak, I felt stupid and I felt like a big fat failure. I don’t know what happened to me, but I just completely lost the plot when my routine was all stuffed up. So I’ve made a decision in regards to doing pre-season task #7 – diarise our workouts. Of course I’m going to do this, but at the same time I’m going to list myself alternatives in case this happens again. I need to have stand-by options, this was made perfectly clear to me tonight.

The only real up-side to the evening? We had Michelle Bridges Moussaka for dinner and it was simply divine! Super delicious.

Must not turn alarm off

Todays daily food intake…

Argh where are my list of excuses in the morning when I set my alarm to go off at 6.30am so that I can get up and do some exercise? And why doesn’t my brain function properly at that time so that I can say “Get up Tina, get up, don’t sleep in”? Because that’s exactly what happened this morning. All my good intentions of getting up and doing exercise this morning, as well as tonight went way out the window. I didn’t even think about it, I heard the phone go off, I reached over and with my eyes closed somehow managed to turn the freakin thing off. Then slept.

Did I make that time up tonight when I went to the pool to do my swimming? Nope. I only did a piddly 35 minutes and just couldn’t do anymore. Felt like I was going to drown tonight I don’t know what was wrong with me. But I feel so zonked.

The bright note of the day was that I got my new work shirts today. I’d ordered them a few weeks ago, and when I ordered them I got two size 18’s and in a moment of optimism I thought considering that I am doing 12WBT I’m going to order two more, but in a size 16. Well they all got in today and I’m happy to say that the size 18’s fit quite nicely, and the size 16’s, while they are snug, are going to fit beautifully in a couple (maybe a few) weeks. Which means that the original size 20’s that I have, and also my 18’s are going to be too big. Hmm might have to pull the sewing machine out for something other than quilting soon.

12wbt – my excuses

So I think I mentioned that I joined up for Round 1 of the 12 Week Body Transformation program right? Well as per last years round, there have been pre-season tasks which have to be completed, and these are the same as last year’s too. (I’m hoping that there are a few changes for this year, otherwise why am I paying for this again?) Anyway, I realised that last year I never posted my list of excuses for not eating the right food or not exercising and how we are going to combat these excuses and grind them into the dust. Well bring on Round 1 for this year and I’m back at the excuses tab again (only a couple of weeks late….) and I have finally done my list. Though I have answered my excuses almost as I would a friend, so if you read it and think why is it all in third person – that’s why. So without further ado, here is my list of excuses in relation to food and exercise, and why I’m not eating correctly or *ahem* exercising (yeah, I’m still slack on that front).

My excuses.

Internal, that I can do something about.

I can eat this because it’s only small.
Well sure, you can eat it, but do you really want to? First off, it might be small, but it’s probably full of fat and sugar, so it’s going to hit you where it hurts the most. But, if you’ve worked out how many calories are in it, and it will fit in with your daily allowance then sure have it, but make sure you work it off.

I’ve exercised so I can treat myself.
WHY WHY WHY do you even think of doing this? What is it with your weird arsed way of thinking. You’ve just spent a minimum of an hour at the gym, working your arse off and sweating (and you know how much you hate to sweat) so why would you even contemplate eating something crap now and waste all the hard work and did I mention the sweat? If you know you’re going to be hungry after the gym (and you always are, let’s face it), then bring some fruit with you to eat afterwards. Just make it a healthy snack for gods sake.

I’ve been good all week, so I should be able to treat myself.
You’ve been bad all your life with the food you eat, so eating healthy for one week makes you think you can treat yourself? Nah uh, I don’t bloody well think so. The only treats you’re going to have are good, wholesome, healthy ones. Perhaps, occasionally, after maybe 4 weeks or so I might let you have a little bit of chocolate. BUT that will be on a Super Smashit Saturday, after you have exercised like a mad woman and after you have also allocated it into your daily calories. You will not go beyond the 1200 calories a day limit do you understand me?

I don’t want to be the odd one out.
Meh, what else can I say but MEH. You’re standing there all fat and you think you’re not the odd one out? Dumbarse, just say no to the unhealthy food and munch on that tasty carrot stick instead.

Why shouldn’t I?
Ummm excuse me? Why should you? If you are really wondering why you shouldn’t, then maybe you should go into the bathroom, jump on those scales and get your answer staring you in the face. Come on girl. You’re so overweight but remember, you want to have children some day and be a good role model to your kids. That alone should be reason enough to JUST NOT EAT CRAP!

External that I can control.

I’m at this party/gathering, so I shouldn’t be rude if someone offers me something.
The truth is, you don’t go out much and when you do, it’s always to friends places for parties etc. They all know what you’re doing, so I don’t think anyone is going to mind too much or even be offended if you pass on that piece of cake or the Mars Bar slice. Suck it up princess and Just. Say. No.

Internal – I can do something about.

I’m not feeling motivated.
La la la, I can’t hear you…. If you waited until you were motivated to do anything, you’d never get anything done. I know that you struggled with exercise in Round 2, but you need to pull your finger out and JFDI. Just like you do with cooking dinner and cleaning the bathrooms (ugh) and really, exercise is sooooooo much more preferable to cleaning the bathrooms at home right!

I’m just too tired.
Blah, go to bed earlier. This is a no brainer. Stop staying up late watching TV and go to bed at a decent time and you won’t be so tired. Oh and get yourself some more iron tablets for gods sake, you know you need them.

I have so much other stuff to do, I just can’t fit it in.
Well not really, the other things you have to do are all personal choices that you’re making. Personal projects that don’t have to be completed by a certain time. So you can do them anytime you want. Putting off exercise to do quilting is a pretty damn stupid thing to do.

I’m lazy.
Yes, yes you certainly are. And the fact that you’re about 40kg overweight kinda proves that honey. Sooooooo I think it’s time you stopped using the fact that you’re lazy as an excuse and just do your exercise. You never know, you might actually enjoy it someday and find that you’re just not lazy anymore.

I don’t have the energy.
Well no of course you don’t. That’s probably because YOU’RE OVERWEIGHT!!! Either that or you’ve gone to bed late again. Either way, it’s a pretty lousy excuse. Because, and here’s the kicker Tina, you know that going to the gym actually GIVES you energy. You know that. So stop using that as an excuse and get your big arsed butt back into that gym and make it a small arsed butt…

I just can’t be bothered.
You can’t be bothered going to work most days either, but you still do it. Why? Because you know that you have to. The gym is no different. You have to go there, or you won’t get fit, you won’t lose weight. It’s going to be harder to fall pregnant, it’s going to be harder to run around after a small child and it’s going to be a LOT harder to be a good role model to your child if you can’t even keep up with him/her. JFDI. I have no more to say on the matter.

External – I can do something about.

It’s raining outside/too cold/too hot/bad weather in general
Well………. If it’s raining outside, that means it’s dry inside right. And inside the house you have a Wii fit, and many exercise DVDs that you can do instead. Or even this idea – get your umbrella out of the car and you wont get wet going from the car to the gym entrance. Easy fixed. Too hot outside you say? Hmmm the gym is really nicely air conditioned and so is the house – also an easy fix. Too cold outside? Gym is always warmer inside in winter than outside, and at home, you have the heater. Again – another easy fix.

Some part of my body hurts.
Yeah, suck it up and get over it. No more to say.

I have to cook dinner.
Is this because you were unorganised again? You know that if you spend a couple of hours in the kitchen on the weekend you can get dinners and lunches ready for most of the week. So why didn’t you? Come on, dinner doesn’t take that long to cook. Put a steak on, do some exercising and then do a bit more when you run from the lounge to the kitchen to flip steak over and then run back to continue exercise in lounge room.

My wrist is playing up.
Okay, valid reason this one. But! Just because your wrist is playing up, doesn’t mean that your legs are playing up. So get on the bike and pedal, pedal, pedal.

External – beyond my control.

I have to work late unexpectedly.
Damn work gets in the way of everything good doesn’t it? Well when you get home, do the Zumba express DVD. It’s only 20 minutes, but it’s better than nothing. Go on…

I’m sick.
Yeah that blows. Rest up, get some chicken soup into you, make sure you keep eating healthy and when you’re recovered get straight back into your training.

By far the most damaging of my excuses is not even an excuse. It’s the complete ignoring of everything. Where I just shut my brain down and don’t even think of an excuse for putting a piece of cake into my mouth, or for driving straight past the street that leads to the gym. It’s like my brain just goes completely blank at those times. That I’m finding is the hardest thing to fight off, because I rationalise it later by saying to myself that at least I didn’t make an excuse. I’m getting better at making myself face the cold hard truth, but every now and then I drive home from work and find myself at home, having missed the gym etc without even thinking about it. Dangerous ground that is.

12WBT days twenty five to twenty eight – Feeling like a failure

I have so many mixed emotions going on in my head right now I don’t know if I’m coming or going. I haven’t blogged for the last few days, because there wasn’t any point. I wasn’t going to be able to write how I had gotten in some great exercise, or how I had eaten fantastically. All I would have been able to say was that I was eating – crap food – but eating. Thrown in among it would be a bit of good food, and of course the thought that I should be eating this good food all the time. But even knowing that I should be eating healthier, and knowing that I can do it, that I have been doing it, the past week has just been hard and I admit that I have caved. Oh and let me not forget the no exercise bit. I didn’t do my mini milestone, and I haven’t done my fitness test. Those two things I can honestly put down to being sick, but it still doesn’t make me feel good that I’ve missed them.

I could make a lot of excuses, like how we have hardly been home, but out and about, coming and going at odd hours of the day. I could even use the excuse of how I have a raging cold, that is quickly turning into the flu, but the truth is, I was weak and I should have prepared better and not let the temptation get to me.

So that has brought back all my feelings of self doubt, feelings of failure, which is starting to affect me in my day to day life. I woke up this morning to go back to work for my first day after taking last week off, having the worst case of the flu. I have issues with my car not unlocking first thing in the morning, and of course, today was no different. I went outside to get in the car, and the doors wouldn’t open. I broke down. Just completely lost it. Sat there bawling my eyes out. So now I’m just trying to work out if my eating and lack of exercise is connected to these extreme emotions that I seem to be going through, or just because I’m sick.

I have decided though that I am going to use this last week as an example of how easy it is to get lulled into a false sense of security. That yes, there are going to be times in my life when I’m not going to be home to make dinner and get my proper food organised, but I’m going to have to make sure that I still try to make the correct choices wherever I am. It has also made me realise just how on the ball I’m going to have to be for the rest of my life. There aren’t any easy roads where I can sit down, munch on a bag of chips and not have it affect me in some way. Pity it’s taken a bad couple of weeks into such a great program for me to realise that huh?

So haven’t had dinner yet, and to be honest, not really sure that I will tonight. Not so hungry with all the mucus I have sitting in my head right now, but I shall put my daily stats up a little later.