stuck in a world where nothing makes sense…..

It seems if your life is going well, then perhaps you should just keep quiet about it and not say anything about it. Cos if you do, you apparently jinx yourself. Let me just say that this has been the worst month of my life.

10 days after my last post, and only 4 days after starting my new job, I left home in the early morning to catch my bus to work, when I tripped over some loose concrete at home and broke my wrist. And it wasn’t just a nice straight forward little fracture, but a break in 3 places, pressing on the nerves break, which required surgery to correct. So I now have a plate stuck in my wrist with lotsa little pins holding it all in place. Which meant a good couple of weeks off work.

As if that wasn’t enough, just when I was starting to get over the pain of my wrist, I ended up back in hospital with pneumonia, which has really knocked me about. So I haven’t actually been to work since the end of November and I’m missing it terribly. I’m hoping to get back in the early new year though.

I don’t have a cast on my wrist, it was taken off two weeks after I broke it, but I have a horrible horrible scar on my wrist that will last me forever now, which makes me look like a failed suicide victim. And I have limited movement in my wrist. Hopefully that’s going to get better, when I start therapy on it in the new year.

And bringing that into focus, I hope everyone had a fantastic Christmas and that you have a fantastic New Year. I reckon mine is gonna be great - can’t be any worse than the last month.

Shall post another update and tell you the good news soon.

Been a while since I posted on here. Not really sure why, just haven’t had much to say. Or rather I have had a lot to say, but just didn’t really want to say any of it.

So my life at the moment is going really well. Mr Squooshy and I are still going strong, coming up to 3 months now, and nothing is really rocking that boat. He has met (most of) my family and I have met his family, minus his daughter - though she comes over in a month, so I get to meet her then - and the meets went well. Certain people still haven’t really come around, but seem to be coming around a little more, though unfortunately we very rarely speak anymore, and I just am not sure of the reason for that. Maybe it will get better with time. I still stand by the fact that I have nothing to apologise for and I refuse to back down or to end things with Mr Squoosy - mainly cos I’m nuts about him and he just plain makes me happy.

On other exciting news, I got a new job, which I start next Tuesday. Totally out of the eduction field, which I have been in for the last 10 years, and I’m moving totally into Web. I will be the Web Communications Officer for a large government department, which is very very exciting, while also being slightly nerve wracking. But I can’t wait. Only 3 more days at “The Pit” before I leave. WOOHOO. The only drawback of the new job - No Facebook access… HOW am I going to survive?

So that’s really all that is new in my world. Happily nuts about a great guy, and starting a new job. Life is pretty damn good at the moment (which I have to say, it’s about time I wrote on this blog, rather than Life sucks!!!) It’s hard having such a positive outlook on life lol…

Will write soon.

So I have decided. All my dear well meaning friends can now mind your own business. I’m sick and fucking tired of being there for you all. Listening to you when you have problems, listening to you when you’re happy. Supporting you all through any and all decisions you make, whether I think they’re good or bad. And for you to turn around now when I’m fucking happy and give me complete and utter negativity, well it really sucks. And I wish you could all see how much you hurt me now.

Remember how Mr Driller used to make me cry? Remember when I would sob my heart out and you would tell me what a bastard he is? Well I’m doing it again. And funny enough, it’s not a guy doing it to me, it’s my friends. One who won’t barely let me talk about him, won’t come to dinner unless his brother is going to be there, god forbid you come out to tea with just us two. The other who is now telling me that I need to face the reality, that the time I am spending with Mr Squooshy is gonna dry up, and be prepared.

Why can’t you all just be happy for me that I am actually happy. That I have met a guy who actually likes me, who treats me nice, who wants to spend time with me, even if it’s a lot of time. Why can’t you let me enjoy this time, without trying to make me start thinking of when it will (or maybe only might) be over. Why can’t you all fucking do for me what I do for you! It goes both ways. Remember that.

So I have been debating whether or not to put anything up online about the new guy because I’m not sure exactly who reads this blog, or rather who knows that I own this blog. But I have decided that this is my blog. I can write what I want/need to write on here, and I should be able to do so without fear of offending anyone in my life. So if I do, then I’m sorry, but read the disclaimer at the top….. So in advance, sorry.

So I have a new man in my life. Whether he is in it for long, well I don’t know. Could be here for a week, month, year, longer or even shorter. I don’t know, and I’m just going to take it as it comes. A couple weeks ago I went down the pub for my stepfathers birthday dinner and saw someone in line at the Bistro that I knew, and he was with his brother, who I had never met before, but knew of. So the night was spent down there drinking and playing pool with those two and Miss Crazy. At the end of the night, I got Mr Squooshy’s phone number. Got to admit, I’d been trying to think how I was going to get it, but didn’t have to try, cos he gave it to me. All was good. And that’s pretty much all the details that are needed on that part of the story now. I will eventually come back to this story when I feel a bit more comfortable with where things are at.

But here comes the kicker. Mr Squooshy is the ex of one of Miss Mum’s friends. A woman that I know also, that I am friendly with. And this has made Miss Mum not so very accepting of the whole Mr Squooshy thing and I. And it hurts so much. Fair enough, I realise that Miss Mum doesn’t want to get caught in the middle of Mr Squooshy’s ex and I. I do get that, and I don’t want you to take sides Miss Mum, but at the same, I’m actually happy for the first time in so so long, and I desperately want you to feel that same happiness for me. Yes, it was probably a bad choice for me to go to, but I didn’t consciously set out to wind up with him. I didn’t plan it, I didn’t think it was going to happen. Yes I was attracted to him, even knowing who he was, but it wasn’t ever going to go past attraction. And while on the one part I’m sorry it has gone past the attraction, on another, I’m so very NOT sorry.

I know you don’t want to know, but he makes me laugh. He calls me, texts me, comes around just to sit with me and mooch when he know’s he’s not going to get any more than conversation out of me. He makes an effort to meet my friends and talk to them. Basically he does everything that I ever wanted to be done for me. He just treats me nicely. And at the moment, he’s making me really happy. And now I’m going to take the selfish road, and say I don’t care about HER or anyone else’s feelings on the subject. I think it’s my turn to be happy for once. I think I’ve put up with enough shit over the last year (yes, my fault, I went back for it) that it’s my turn to take whatever happiness I can. Asking me how I would feel if the roles were reversed is not fair. Different circumstances completely. Please remember after all this - she left him, not the other way around. I’m done apologising, I’m done feeling guilty. I’m now looking out for me and me only! And Mr Squooshy. (And everyone - please don’t ask about the name, but if you have to, it’s in a round about reference to Finding Nemo, and Dory finding Mr Squishy.)

Has been a while since I posted. Got over being sick, am all better now. Have finally ended it with Mr Driller once and for all and am VERY good and happy with that. Have met a new guy, and am quite keen on him, and have been spending a lot of time talking to him and spending a fair bit of time with him over the weekend, but it is causing a bit of contention amongst me and a couple friends. I wish it wasn’t, and I wish that people realised I didn’t start anything with him to hurt anyone, but I don’t think they do. I have a lot more to say about this whole situation, but there are a few things that I need to sort out on another end first before I feel completely comfortable putting it up here. Hope all is good with everyone, will write soon.