I’m back baby… Running that is

Today’s daily food intake…

Okay, maybe not running, but I’m back to my shuffling. So WooHoo and yay me!

Admittedly it took me two days more than I was saying it would. I swore I was going to get back out there on Friday and do it, but woke up so sore that I just couldn’t physically do it, and then I just lost my nerve. I know it sounds stupid for me to be scared to go for a shuffle/jog after only a little tumble, and it’s really hard to put into words the stupid irrational fears I have in my head. But I’ll try.

Three and a bit years ago I left my house in the morning to go to work. It was my fifth day at a brand new job, a job which I loved and was so excited to be going to. I stepped out on the path and there was broken concrete under my foot, which I hadn’t really noticed before. Hadn’t noticed until it came out from under my feet and I fell down. Hard. I smashed my wrist up, both bones, right up near the top where I couldn’t just have it wrapped in a cast. No, I had to do it hard and ended up with a plate in my wrist.

Broken Wrist

Side view of plate

Front view of plate

That alone was enough to scare the beejeezus out of me. I was too scared to walk alone anywhere because I didn’t want to fall over again. I went from being a girl who would wear heels everywhere, dancing for hours in stilettos, to someone who was too scared to walk with even flat shoes on, like I had on when I actually fell – that’s the weird part, I was wearing damned flat shoes when it happened. That broken wrist was just the start of the crappiness that followed though. I ended up with full blown pneumonia a week and a bit later – a result of the surgery on my wrist, and then it was almost a weekly trip back to the doctors having blood tests and ultrasounds to find out what was going on with my body after that – think liver and kidney problems. Then started the therapy to get movement back in my wrist – almost (actually sometimes moreso) as painful as breaking the wrist. Finally two months later I got back to that job I loved, but by then just getting to and from work was a struggle in itself.

But the worst, was the constant feeling of sadness and despair that came with all of this. Took me a while to really talk to the doctor about it, but eventually I was diagnosed with full blown depression – something I’d been fighting for years, but never done anything about because of the shame that I associated with it. But when I went to the doctor one day and just couldn’t actually get any words out because of the tears that were choking up my throat. I couldn’t explain what was wrong with me. I didn’t know why I wanted to cry all the time, why getting out of bed every day was a struggle. How just looking at the scar that I now had on my wrist could leave me sitting in a pile of mush for days and make me want to vomit. That was probably the best doctor visit I ever made, because to be honest, I don’t know where I’d be today if I hadn’t gone to the docs.

This is just a quick overview of the crap that happened all at the same time. I know it wasn’t all caused by the broken wrist, but every time I think of falling, I just associate it with bad things. Very bad things. It’s stupid. It’s irrational. But it’s just something that’s so hard to get over. I’m trying and the fact that I actually got back out there today and did a jog (a slow and careful jog, with Mick right by my side the whole time – even though he caved earlier than I did…) shows that I’ve come a long way, because three years ago I would have gone back inside, shut the door and not gone back outside for a week – and that’s after sitting down and bawling for a few hours. One day, I’ll be able to get back up after falling, brush it aside and just keep going. But until then I’ll just take it one day at a time and keep trying.

But the positive thing to take away from this (very maudlin – I’m sorry, it wasn’t where I was going with this post, it just kinda came out) is that…

I jogged again today.

Yeah baby, I’m back!

Lessons learned while shuffling

I learned a few lessons today, while I did my afternoon shuffle. Let me share with you what they were:

  1. You shouldn’t turn your alarm off in the morning (I kinda knew this one already, but it’s been slammed home to me again today), because if you do turn your alarm off in the morning, that means you have to make your exercise up in the evening. Which means:

    • That you’re out in the heat and you sweat more.
    • You’re already knackered from a day at work, so it’s going to be even harder work for you when you do your shuffle and it’s really going to hurt more than in the mornings.
    • The cooking won’t have miraculously done itself while you’ve been out doing your shuffle, so you’re still going to have to go home to do it
  2. If you play little games, it makes it more fun and makes the time go quicker.
  3. When you really push yourself, you can do better than you thought you could!

Let me explain that last one. Last Monday when I did my shuffle I only managed to do 4.10km and that took me 43 minutes, which gave me an average pace of 5.56km/hr. Tonight when I did my shuffle I managed to do the whole planned track of 5.37km, and at the 43 minute mark I had done 4.60km – which is 500 metres more than my time on on Monday. I know that 500 metres doesn’t sound a lot, but to me that’s a whole helluva lot. Now while I’m in my statistician mode (I can see a whole new career coming on for me here…) here’s a couple more stats for y’all. My average pace last Monday was 5.56km/hr but today I had an average pace of 6.32km/hr. Yeah baby I’m gonna kick arse soon! I’m not quite at running yet, but by George I’m definitely getting quicker.

So to make the time go quicker and to really get my pace going quicker I played a little game with myself. I got my heart rate up to 155 and kept it there for a bit, then I jogged hard until I got my HR up to 170, held it there as long as I could and then dropped back to a walk, until my HR dropped back down to 155 and then repeated the process again and again. God that was killer. Almost like interval training. So that’s how my shuffle went today.

Tomorrow the plan is to NOT turn the alarm off in the morning and get it over and done with and out of the way first thing!

Gearing up for 12WBT to start

Today’s daily food intake…

Today was a pretty full on day for me. Got up this morning with Mick as he had to go to work and all I wanted was a sleep in, but it just didn’t happen. I long for the day when I get to sleep in again, it hasn’t happened for so long. If it’s not Mick waking up for work, it’s Maximus meowing for breakfast or it’s just me not being able to sleep. Now normally when I used to get up early, I would wait for Mick to go to work then stick on a DVD and that would be my day. The only time I would get up off the couch was to take toilet breaks, and then I’d make a stop by the pantry on my way back and grab some chips or chocolate and munch on that while watching something on TV. Then I’d wonder how I managed to watch a whole season of Gossip girl in a weekend… Well that’s how!

That was the old me. The new me got up with Mick, and waited till he went to work and then I put on my Jillian Michaels 30 day shred DVD and died!!! Seriously, that woman makes you kick your own arse. I thought I worked hard when I did Zumba, but that DVD got me working harder than I’ve worked in ages. It was a really hard workout, a lot of getting up and down on and off the floor, but it was enjoyable all the same. I can’t say I love it as much as Zumba, but I definitely work harder doing that one than I do in Zumba.

So after that was all over and done with and my heart rate had gone back to normal I went to meet the lovely Miss A to do our time trial. I’m not going to give away what time we did it in, tell you that tomorrow with the rest of my fitness test results, but I’m happy to say that I beat my last time and am pretty pleased with it. So now I’m gearing up and getting ready for the official start on Monday. Would love to have a rest day tomorrow and just mooch all day, but alas, no exercise on Friday and little on Wednesday and Thursday means I still have to work my butt off tomorrow. I believe I will be doing that by completing stage 1 of the 30 day shred again. Maybe I’ll do it twice and really burn those extra calories.

Run Fat B!tch Run

If you read my blog (and according to the stats, some of you do, which I have to say is very lovely to see…) you may recall that I got quite excited last Thursday because some books I had ordered had arrived. Well I didn’t get a chance to read anything on Thursday night, but Friday night after the dishes were done (well, put in the dishwasher…) I went to bed while Mick stayed up watching something on TV and started reading Run Fat B!tch Run, by Ruth Field.

Oh. My. God. Brilliance, pure brilliance. I finished it this morning and I have to say that I’m really inspired (perhaps not to the point where I’ve gotten out there and actually put my shoes on and hit the ground, but more on that in a minute). If you’re interested in running, learning to run, wanting to get fit, or just want a read that’s actually quite funny then I cannot recommend this book enough. It’s written in such a straight forward way, doesn’t pull any punches and has quite a few “aha” moments and lots of full on belly laughter moments (for me anyway). A few things that in particular caught my interest:

The Grit Doctor says
Either do this thing or don’t, but don’t disempower yourself by making up excuses all the time. It is boring and makes you weak. Choose ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and cut out the rubbish in-between.

How much sense does that make, and how well does it ring with people who are doing the 12WBT? Excuses people, it’s for the weak!

The Grit Doctor says
Dieting is a dirty word. It is never about slavishly following a diet. It is about changing habits, shifting attitudes and taking responsibility for your body.

Again, this just rings so true and is exactly what the 12WBT program is all about. Not dieting, but changing how we think of food and learning how to eat healthy again.

And a couple of things I just laughed out loud reading when talking about dieting delusions:

5. I don’t like water
I’m not asking you to like water. I am telling you to drink it. There is a distinction between the two. I don’t think to myself, ‘Ooh yum, I’d love nothing more right now than another glass of tap water!’

6. I have a really slow metabolism
Bullshit. You are overweight because you eat too much of the wrong food.

I could go on with the quotes, my book is full of little pink post-it notes hanging off the sides, there is just so much of the book that rang true with me. I’ve tried doing the C25K program, a couple of times now, because I really want to learn to run. I don’t know why, because when I have done my little shuffle (I refuse to call it a run, it’s only a shuffle) I have hated it, but I suppose I want to be like one of those women I see constantly here in town, running around and just looking healthy. That’s what I want to be. I want to be happy and healthy and to be able to burn lots of calories – and cheaply. So that’s why I tried the C25K program. But you know what, I’ve never, ever gotten past the first week of it. I’m not saying that the program doesn’t work for some people, but for me, it’s not a winner.

So I’ve deleted the app from my phone and am going to be putting my energy into learning to run the Fat Bitch way. The only thing I’m going to be doing differently is that this book recommends you start running first and worry about diet when you have the running down pat. Well I’m already working on my diet, and considering I’m paying (a fair bit of) good money for 12WBT I’m not quite ready to just ignore that part and concentrate on running. I do believe that I’m well established enough in my healthy eating habits now that I can start to incorporate the learning to run part into my life as well.

So my alarm is set for 6.20am tomorrow morning – giving myself 10 minutes to get myself toileted and dressed and out the door, so that I can be back in by 7.30am and get ready for work. I’ve given Mick instructions not to let me go back to sleep but to pinch me until I get out of bed. No excuses anymore people! I’ve mapped out my route and because I’m only going to be walking it tomorrow I don’t know that I’ll get the whole thing done in an hour (I’m a slow walker, what can I say), but I may even give it a go with the whole track tomorrow when I get home from work and see just how long it takes me to walk it.

The weird thing is, I’m actually quite excited about this. I think I may have actually stumbled onto a program (if you can call it that) that is going to work for me. But don’t worry I’ll keep you updated on my progress!

And if you haven’t yet, check out the links, buy the book and read it (at the very least, visit her website). Awesome!

Softball and I are not the best of friends

Today’s daily food intake…

When we first moved over to Port Lincoln five months ago I was talked into joining a softball team. I had my reservations because in my (nearly) 36 years I’ve never, ever, played team sports. I did calisthenics for a while when I was very young, and did jazz ballet for a couple of years in my early teens, but I’ve never joined in with sports that involved balls, I have this irrational fear of balls that come flying at me. I don’t know why, I’ve never been hit by one or anything, I think there has always just been the fear that if I got hit, it was going to hurt.

But when we moved here, I knew barely anyone, and I was talked into joining a team, with the promise that a friend was going to join with me. But then she went and had herself some baby twins, so she didn’t end up joining. But I still did. And I’ve been dreading every single game ever since. Because, quite plainly, I suck.

I try, I really do, but I don’t seem to be getting any better. Late last year, I finally got my first run in the game, I got so excited that when I crossed the plate I did a little jig. The little jig ended up in my taking a bit of a tumble, and because I instinctively put my arm up to protect my wrist, I came down pretty hard on my side and managed to break a rib. So now I’m even more reluctant to get out there and play.

So I had my first game back today and I will admit I was almost in tears thinking about going out there and playing. I don’t know why it freaks me out so much. I play right field (where they put the people who can’t catch – ie. Me) and I do a lot of standing around or minor shuffling from side to side to keep myself moving, while occasionally the ball comes out my way and I get it, and I know that it’s not all on me if we win or lose, but I hate letting the team down and I just feel like I keep letting them down by sucking so badly.

The weird thing is, that as much as I dread going out there and playing, by the time we are half way through I’m starting to enjoy the game. By the end of the game I’m actually enjoying it and feel a little sad that it’s over.

We only have three more games of this season left and then I have to decide whether I’m going to go back next year or not. I’ve spent so much money on gear for this game that it would be silly not to continue, but do I want to keep doing this dread thing, or will I maybe just naturally get better at the game as I get fitter, or will I always just suck at the game. Argh I just don’t know anymore.

On the plus side when I got home from softball today, before I had a chance to even think about it or change my mind I changed my top, put Hettie on and did some Zumba. I was pleasantly surprised and a bit sad to see that I don’t burn as many calories doing Zumba anymore – happy because that means I’m getting fitter, sadder because that means I have to work harder to burn calories now. And because I was in a mood, and wanted to burn those 500 calories, when Zumba finished I did a bit of Wii Fit just to bring myself up. Now I feel good!

Sunburnt and sore

Today’s daily food intake…

Just a quick post tonight, we haven’t been home for long and I’m absolutely knackered. Had a very busy Australia Day today. Went to the national park and climbed Stamford Hill (will post pics tomorrow) and then went around to a really nice secluded beach while we were in the national park and went snorkelling, which was a first for me. I spent so long swimming against the current, that I’m sure I burnt a lot of calories, but I have no idea. Funnily climbing the hill and going back down I only burnt 397 calories in total. But it’s all good, I was hiking, the heart rate was going and it was just stunning from the top.

But now, I’m tired and need to go and take some panadol and rub myself with cooling gel to get rid of the sunburn that I also managed to get myself today. Sigh.

Fitness is that you?

Today’s daily food intake…

I got up this morning after my disastrous attempts yesterday to do my C25K run at the bright and early time of 6.30am. I did briefly consider ignoring the alarm and sleeping for another hour, but two things spurred me on:

  1. 1) I really didn’t want to have to say that I failed again, and
  2. 2) Mick said to me last night before we went to sleep that he doubted I would get up when my alarm went off and that I would sleep in and not do my morning shuffle (I can’t call it a run or a jog, because all I do is shuffle – in a jog like kind of way).

So with those two things spurring me on, I got up, got dressed, got my phone hooked up – RunKeeper on, music ready and C25K app open and ready. And off I went.

I happen to live in a very gorgeously beautiful town and right next to the ocean, so my track took me along the ocean edge on a walking trail. It was all good up to the point that the trail stopped. Because when the trail stopped, I was faced with beach – sand, lots of sand. I can’t run well at the best of times, trying to run on sand was hell. But I did it and when I got to the end and looked back over where I had come it was so beautiful that I stopped to take a photo.

Now here’s a hint for everyone out there. If you use the C25K app on a HTC Desire and press stop, then go into your camera to take a photo, you may find yourself having to start all over again. Because that’s where I found myself. When I’d finished taking my photos I went to restart C25K, only to find that it had shut down and when I re-opened, it faced me with the start screen!!! No!!! I could not believe that had happened to me. (But on the plus side, take a look at the gorgeous views I had while doing my shuffle…)

It was at that point I could have screamed (if it wasn’t for all the campervans in the area I was standing in, I was a little afraid of the people I’d wake up), so I stomped off, full of huff and fury, leaving the C25K off and trudged home.

So now I have to restart the program from the beginning, but I think I may give it another few weeks before I try again. Between Zumba last night and the shuffle this morning my knees were very tight and swollen feeling today and I think I may have overdone it just a tad. But it’s nothing that a fantastic swim this afternoon didn’t fix up.

Now, speaking of swimming. I started doing laps at the local pool about three weeks ago – going twice a week and swimming, in the beginning, for an hour – doing 40 laps, which equals 1km. And three weeks ago, it took me 58 minutes to do those 40 laps and each lap was a struggle. I couldn’t even do a whole lap of breaststroke, I had to do a bit of a paddle in between. It’s amazing how far I have come in just three weeks.

Tonight I powered through my first 14 laps in just under 15 minutes and pretty much the whole time I was doing breaststroke (well, my version of it anyway – I’m planning on taking adult lessons to learn the proper technique). It was hard and I was damn puffed, but I was amazed at just how quick I did those laps tonight and how many of them were pure breaststroke. It seems that I may just be increasing in my fitness after all. It’s very exciting and it’s definitely keeping me going.

My aim now is to see how many laps I can swim in 60 minutes, rather than how long it takes me to swim 40 laps.

A strange thing happened today

Today’s daily food intake…

What might that thing be you asked? I exercised. Not so strange you might say, having been reading my blog and the exercise I’ve been doing this week. Well the strange thing about this was that today was my rest day. Sunday’s have always been put down as a rest day, a day when everyone can take a break from the exercise (though really, we could choose any day, so long as we exercised 6 days a week), but I’ve always chosen Sunday’s as my rest day.

But I woke up this morning, and pottered around the house doing a little tidying up and made a nice healthy Tuna salad for Mick and I for lunch, when I convinced Mick to finally set the Wii up again (it’s been sitting in the box since we moved into the house over four months ago). So he set it all up, and I got my balance board out of the box too. I sat there looking at it and looking at the games and yep – I went for the games.

Literally not five minutes into playing Hells Kitchen I got bored, and then I started feeling guilty. Guilty for not exercising. Here I was sitting down playing games when I could get up off my butt and play with the Wii Fit, which is like playing a game, but exercising at the same time. I cannot believe I felt guilt.

Guilt. For not exercising. Me. I promise you, this is a definite first for me. Never have I ever felt guilty for not exercising, even when I’ve blown off the gym for something completely random.

So, there I was in the living room, doing the Wii Fit step games. And funnily enough, I burnt 414 calories. Though truth be told, I’m beginning to wonder if there might be something wrong with my HRM because at one point my heart rate was at 208, and I was barely puffing – I’d think I’d be dead if my heart rate was that high. But hey, a nice tidy 50 odd minutes of exercise and it left me just feeling good, so for that alone, the calories burnt are negligible.

I’m still stunned. But I’m excited too, that maybe, just maybe this time I might actually make a really good go of this 12WBT, because my mindset seems to be shifting ever so slightly over to healthy.

So many things to do, so little time

So right now I’m working on a few different things. I’m still trying to do the This That quilt test, while trying to find just the right fabrics to make the “official” quilt out of. I’m trying to find three different patterns to make somewhat matching quilts for a mini project – more to come on that later and I’ve become addicted to Mug Rugs. So yes, I have a few plans for them also… So many things to do, and that’s just the quilting.

On top of the quilting projects that I have in the works, I have signed up for Nanowrimo. Every year I have said I would do it, but every year I have chickened out of it, but this year I have bitten the bullet and decided to just go for it. I have a very very vague idea of something I would like to write, but I’m not feeling a whole lot of confidence in that at the moment. But I can officially start writing in 1 hour and 42 minutes – but I think I might go to bed instead 🙂

Back to the gym with me tomorrow. It’s been two weeks since my last visit, and I can feel the tiny bit of fitness I had worked up slipping away each day. Time to get that back and get fitter and slimmer for a January wedding of a friend.

So that’s my life at the moment, what’s happening with you all?

12WBT day forty five – Weights to go go

Had to push myself to go to the gym this afternoon. I was driving home, with everything packed in my bag, all ready for me to just rock up to the gym and change and I kept thinking of different reasons why I shouldn’t go. I had this to do, I had that to do, I could be doing this instead. But in the end, I think the car must have been on automatic pilot because I ended up at the gym just like I should have. And to top it off:

I RAN!!!!! Yes it’s true. I jumped on the treadmill and started doing intervals, and I did 15 mins of running intervals. Big thing for me that was, because the last time I tried to do jogging I ended up having a panic attack because I felt like I couldn’t breathe. But this time I just sucked it up and did it, and what’s even better (for me at least) is: I TOOK MY HANDS OFF THE TREADMILL. Yes I know I’m shouting I’m shouting, but that’s how excited I feel. I had such a big big fear of taking my hands off the treadmill in case I tripped and fell, thereby breaking my wrist again. Silly, irrational fear I know, but it’s a very big fear for me. But tonight, I did it. So I’m pretty chuffed with myself tonight. Not only did I go to the gym after I was so totally not going to, but I ran. Yep I ROCK. 🙂

So, daily stats for today:

FoodCalories in
BOats with 2t brown sugar, ½ cup milk & medium apple 307
S3 dim sims308
LChicken salad200
DNats lasagna300

ExerciseCalories out

1hr cardio/weights: 45% fat, Avg HR 133 (72%), Max HR 170 (91%)600
Calories surplus/defecit-1276