Maybe sometimes I should shut my mouth

This is the conclusion I have come to. Around friends, I should shut my mouth from now on and never say how I feel or what I think. I’ve managed to piss off Miss Moody, who now that she is pregnant is moodier than ever it seems. Or maybe that’s just my sensitivity to the whole pregnancy situation that makes me think she is.

But I mean seriously – why do I have to go and visit people all the time, how hard is it for people to come to me sometimes? And why shouldn’t I be able to say how I feel without her storming off and now giving me the silent treatment. I’m wondering though if I said something to her in the hopes that she would get pissed off with me and not speak to me, which makes it easier, not having to deal with her pregnancy thing. If I don’t see her, I don’t have to pretend right? Or maybe I really should just shut my mouth?

But let me run a scenario past you. Up until 1 1/2 years ago I lived at my mothers house, for various reasons, the uppermost probably being – cos I had it good, I’ll be honest. But I was very rarely home. Between work, study and friends I managed to spend a lot of time away from the house, because I hated it, hate my stepfather (yes Hate is a very strong word, but I have very strong emotions in regards to him). So I was always visiting friends, and never had people aroudn to where I lived, because I never knew quite what mood my stepdad would be in. And it worked quite well, because I went to everyone, no one had to come to me. And I think people kind of got used to it.

Move forward and I move out into my own little hovel. So now people can come to me. But do they? Well no, not really. I’m still expected to go to everyone. Quite often it’s because “I have to get the kids to bed”. Fair enough, but why then is it, when you want to go out somewhere that can’t come to you, can you take your child with you and not get them to bed? I do have a couple of beds at my place, they are more than welcome to sleep there if needs be. Or better yet, don’t stay too late and we will all get an early night while still having caught up again. Why am I penalised once again because I don’t have children. Surely it’s still a two way street. What happens if I’mlucky enough to have kids? Do we then not see each other again, because maybe I have to get my child to bed, or do I drag my child out everywhere to go visit everyone still?

So last night Miss Moody asked if I was going down to the pub still, because she was about to leave. I said no, I’d been sick all week and I really wasn’t up for it, but hey, you are more than welcome to come around to my place if you want, I still have some bread for you to get if you want it. But oh no, she’s tired, she’s going to go home, you can bring the bread around to me some other time. HOLD UP, WHY THE HELL SHOULD I? I have something to pick up, I go pick it up, I have something you want, and hell I should bring it to you? So I told her exactly how I was feeling. That I was tired of going to see everyone and no one making anything of an effort to come and see me to say hi, unless they want something from me. Well apparently it pissed her off enough to have her come knocking on my door. Not enough to stay, just long enough for her to yell at me and get pissy when I said come in, because it’s cold out here and I have the heater on.

So there we leave it people. Miss Moody is not speaking to me, I’ve managed to piss people off by being hones and today, I really don’t care. I’m tired of being nice. I’m tired of keeping my feelings quiet so that I don’t upset people. I’m tired of everyone thinking it’s okay to tell me exactly how they feel, to belittle what Mr Driller and I had, to make it all insignificant, to tell me I shouldn’t still be speaking to him. Well everyone, you can all fuck off, cos nasty Tina is here to stay. *sigh* and I say that, knowing that Miss Moody knows nothing about this website and will never read it anyway. And perhaps I’m being unreasonable, but today I’m so damn angry I’m past caring if I’m being unreasonable. Do I regret saying what I said? Yes and No. Will Miss Moody stop and think about anything I have said? Probably not. Will she speak to me again? Who knows. All I know is that I’m pretty sure I’m off the invitation list for her Tupperware party tomorrow night. *sigh again*

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