Yesterday bad – today better

Yesterday wasn’t one of my best days. To an outsider it would have been like any normal day – I looked the same, I acted the same, hell I even smelt the same. But on the inside I was just a jumble.

I’ve been working on rebuilding one of our websites at work and it’s been going good, but yesterday it seemed like it was one hurdle after another with this stupid site. In particular yesterday, I was working on the menu structure and a search function and for the life of me, I couldn’t get either of them working. What is normally something so simple for me turned into what felt like a complete waste of a day’s work. It was just doing my head in. Combine that with some extreme tiredness and it just put me right on edge all day. By lunch time I had finally gotten my menu sorted and working, but the search function – well that’s still an issue today, but today it doesn’t seem like the end of the world. To top it off, I got called into a meeting – that was already half finished – and told that I was being given extra duties – completely different to my current job role. Duties, I’m not so sure I want, because it means being taken away from the web and design end on a more regular basis, leaving me only a little time to get all of that seen to (the part of my job I really love). At the moment, being new and on probation until February, I’m only employed on a casual basis, and now I’m not sure what I want. I have conundrums. And I don’t do well with conundrums.

Then, to really make the day complete and utter crap, I was hungry. Not just “hmm I feel like a nibble” kind of hungry, but that “if I don’t eat now, I’m going to murder someone” hungry. That kind of hungry that just comes from deep down within. Which is stupid, because I’d eaten well the day before, I’d had normal breakfast and was filling myself up with water. I’m going to put it down to me being stressed at work. When I’m stressed, I usually eat. Except now that I’m really trying to count my calories and take a bit more notice of the food I put in my mouth, I can’t just eat whatever is in sight (which isn’t actually very much, because I don’t keep food at work – just in case). I still managed to keep to my 1200 calorie intake, but God it was hard. I just didn’t need things to be hard yesterday.

Last, but by no means least, I feel like I wasted my exercise opportunities yesterday. I walked to the pool after work to have my first buddy exercise time with Miss A and it was just great to catch up with her again, and have someone to physically “talk” to about 12WBT and how I was feeling – not that talking to everyone on here isn’t great, but you know, sometimes it’s nice to have that face to face contact thing happening – that when we were at the pool, there wasn’t a whole lot of swimming actually going on. I think all up I managed to do about 300 metres, which is crap, when you think about the fact that I normally do 1km when I’m there. So on the one hand it was great to catch up, but on the other hand I did crap exercise. But we have plans to do the swimming thing on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so tomorrow I’m just going to DO IT! There will be no chatting – well okay, lots of chatting before and after – but maximum exercise. I have to do this otherwise where am I going to be when 12WBT is over? With another wasted couple hundred dollars and weighing even more?

So that folks, is why I didn’t post last night. I knew what I wanted to say, but I just didn’t know how to put it all into words and there was that overwhelming tiredness that was creeping up on me. An early night, and back at work and suddenly things are looking better and brighter again. Today I can look at my work and realise that while my search function might not be working right now, if I leave it for a while and stop obsessing over it I will sort it out. I might not want the extra duties, but it’s a new challenge for me, and if I don’t like it, I can always look for another job. The hunger? Well that’s still here, but it’s not going to make me fall into a dribbling mess today.

And woohoo – weigh day today and I am happy to report that all my good eating and (excessive for me) exercise has paid off in the form of a 2kg loss. That certainly made the day a little brighter.

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