Struggle street

I have to admit that this week has been a struggle for me. In all areas. Exercise, food, motivation, anything you can think of, I’ve struggled with.

I’ve never made a secret of the fact that I hate exercise and that it’s always been my biggest struggle when doing 12WBT or any “diet” program. That hasn’t changed. I love swimming (and am very proud to announce that I finally got off my butt and made a swimming lesson for next Monday – no more epileptic jellyfish type swimming for me!), but lately, even that has been a struggle. I’ve done something to my shoulder – probably a result of not knowing how to swim correctly – so every stroke I do just hurts so bad. I haven’t been able to do my 40 laps in the last two weeks, which feels like so much failure to me, because really, it was the only exercise I really had going for me.

I’m still struggling with running/jogging/shuffling. I’m still doing it, but the confidence really took a beating with my fall last week that I’m still wary about it. My new sneakers (Leroy and Rodney) are doing fantastically though and are very happy to be out there hitting the pavement.

But the thing I am struggling with the most this week is the food. I’m so hungry all the time. It’s not real hunger, because I’m eating same as always, but it’s fake hunger – for bad food. I find that this week all I’m craving is bad food – hamburgers, pizza, KFC, ice-cream, chocolate (which I don’t even really like), chips, gravy, cold chips, anything that could be considered bad for you, I want it!

I haven’t caved in yet and bought any of this junk food. But notice how I wrote yet. I’m worried. I’m worried that I’m just going to cave in and go on a binge and un-do the work that I’ve done. I don’t know why I want this food. I genuinely enjoy the food I’ve been eating the last eight weeks, and I haven’t really been missing junk food. So I don’t know why all of a sudden I am. I’m also pretty sad that I gained 1.2kg last week – for reasons unknown. I’m feeling sad and glum and like I’m failing, even though I know deep down that I’m not.

But this food thing – I really don’t know what to do to make the want for junk food to go away. It’s driving me nuts!


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3 Comments

  • Amanda

    February 25, 2012 at 8:42 pm

    Hey, Tina! Sounds to me like you’re behaving as any true champion would! You’re admitting the cravings, the struggles – you’re being completely accountable. You’re facing them AND you are not letting them beat you! Rather than wonder when they’re going to win – start clocking up all the points for every time you beat them. It’s time to start feeling proud of yourself, instead of guilty. Why are you feeling guilty about things that have not yet happened? Feel PROUD of the things that HAVE happened – because they’ve happened as a result of your action/reaction! Weight loss (not dieting) is so much about nutrition – so give yourself a bit of leeway over the exercise thing. Yes, it will make you feel better when you do it – but not if you’re fighting it. Struggling to jog? Then walk! But enjoy that walk – look up, look around and smile! Share the pleasure with Leroy and Rodney (love it!!). Introduce them to some new pathways/trails/streets … And the junk food thing? It will go away when you want it to go away! Really! Sounds like you subconsciously need this battle. Time to have a good chat with your head and tell your subconscious to get a grip and ****** off!! Be firm, be strong, be as rude as you like. You’re so much stronger than this now … you simply don’t NEED the hassle of junk food battles. Calmly turn away, confident in the knowledge that you have moved on! Say it out loud! Words have great power!
    OK! I’ll shut up now! Come on, Girl! Get out for a walk, take a large bottle of water, start a new mantra ‘I love walking I love walking’ and convince yourself that it’s true! Act the part and your brain will reset! You can do this, you WILL do this and you will CONQUER!!! Let’s go!!! (Sorry – I’ve been really rambling – feel free to ignore me) lol

  • Tina

    February 25, 2012 at 10:44 pm

    Oh god I wish I had read this tonight, before taking Mick to the pub after cricket and having that schnitzel. I think you just gave me the kick up the pants that I really needed 🙂 Thank you so much. I’m printing this out and sticking it to my fridge so that I can look at these words every day just to remind myself.

    Thank you 🙂 and I am in NO WAY going to ignore anything you said!!

  • […] send a big shout-out to Amanda over at Up and Running. Amanda left me a comment the other day on my Struggle street post, and I’ve been thinking about it again and again over the last couple of days – […]

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