I have to admit that this week has been a struggle for me. In all areas. Exercise, food, motivation, anything you can think of, I’ve struggled with.
I’ve never made a secret of the fact that I hate exercise and that it’s always been my biggest struggle when doing 12WBT or any “diet” program. That hasn’t changed. I love swimming (and am very proud to announce that I finally got off my butt and made a swimming lesson for next Monday – no more epileptic jellyfish type swimming for me!), but lately, even that has been a struggle. I’ve done something to my shoulder – probably a result of not knowing how to swim correctly – so every stroke I do just hurts so bad. I haven’t been able to do my 40 laps in the last two weeks, which feels like so much failure to me, because really, it was the only exercise I really had going for me.
I’m still struggling with running/jogging/shuffling. I’m still doing it, but the confidence really took a beating with my fall last week that I’m still wary about it. My new sneakers (Leroy and Rodney) are doing fantastically though and are very happy to be out there hitting the pavement.
But the thing I am struggling with the most this week is the food. I’m so hungry all the time. It’s not real hunger, because I’m eating same as always, but it’s fake hunger – for bad food. I find that this week all I’m craving is bad food – hamburgers, pizza, KFC, ice-cream, chocolate (which I don’t even really like), chips, gravy, cold chips, anything that could be considered bad for you, I want it!
I haven’t caved in yet and bought any of this junk food. But notice how I wrote yet. I’m worried. I’m worried that I’m just going to cave in and go on a binge and un-do the work that I’ve done. I don’t know why I want this food. I genuinely enjoy the food I’ve been eating the last eight weeks, and I haven’t really been missing junk food. So I don’t know why all of a sudden I am. I’m also pretty sad that I gained 1.2kg last week – for reasons unknown. I’m feeling sad and glum and like I’m failing, even though I know deep down that I’m not.
But this food thing – I really don’t know what to do to make the want for junk food to go away. It’s driving me nuts!