The fog is lifting

Well I’ve had a very quiet month on the blog front. I really just haven’t wanted to read, quilt, exercise, blog, do anything really. I realise that I was probably back in the land of depression, that I’m still there, but the fog is slowly starting to clear and I’m feeling a little bit better with the world at large. I only have five more working days left at this place, and then I’m officially on leave for three weeks, before I head back to my old department, new location, and new people, but basically the same old job. Or will I?

I have applied for another position that I saw advertised a couple of weeks ago, and in my apathy I left the application to the very last moment, and almost felt embarrassed to be submitting it, it wasn’t my best work, but it must have been okay, because they called me to invite me to an interview next Tuesday. I’m trying so very, very hard not to get my hopes up about this job, but I know deep down I really want it. Here’s why:

  1. The job that I’m going back to with my old department is strictly a desk/phone job. Sitting down all day answering the phones and sending out course information to people who might be interested in this one, very specialised area of study. Don’t get me wrong, once upon a time, I would have loved that. A job I can go to, sit down, zone out at, then go home and live my life. But I’ve moved beyond that. I LOVE working with web, I love building and creating things, working with code, uploading information, checking statistics. This is what I studied for. I’ve moved far beyond just answering phones.
  2. This job is at the same level that I’m at now, which is a good thing. Going back to my old level means losing thousands of dollars a year, while we are trying to save for a house deposit, which is not a good thing for us financially. Not to mention, I think I’m going to be bored senseless going back to a phone job.
  3. It will make me feel like less of a failure when I leave here in five working days time (I admit, I hate this place so much now, that it is very much a countdown until I leave). Going back to my old department, really feels – not just feels, but is – a huge step backwards. It is embarrassing after two and a half years to have to go back, saying, yes well, obviously I failed. I don’t like failing, I don’t like losing, and going back just makes me feel like a big, fat loser.

There is only one thing about the position that I’m not too keen on, and that is the distance thing. It’s an extra 15-20 minutes drive for me each way, every day. Which might not seem much, but when you consider that it takes me 45 minutes to get to work and at least 55 minutes to an hour to get home as it is, that’s a whole lot of extra time that I will have to be spending in the car every day. The one saving grace of this place I’m at now, is that I can start at 7.30am, which means I get to miss the peak hour traffic that would probably double my travelling time. I’m not sure if that would be an option with this other position. I will just have to wait and see I suppose. But not even the distance and travelling thing could deter me from taking this position if I win it.

On other news, still on the work front, I received an exit interview letter from my current employer on Wednesday. Basically, it’s a whole lot of paperwork, saying please pay my leave out, or transfer it, make sure that I give my keys and security pass back, but while you’re at it, would you please take this survey of your experience working with/for us. For the past 5 weeks I’ve been mulling over my manager’s statement about “old blood” and wondering whether or not I would make a formal complaint. In the end, there didn’t seem to be much point, as she informed us all that she was taking 12 months unpaid leave and going to work for another firm. But when I received this exit interview paperwork, with the opportunity to write down what I enjoyed/disliked about working with them, I thought it was time to write it all down. So I sat, wrote a one page letter explaining the situation and will be sending that with all my exit paperwork. I really thought about ignoring it, but at the end of the day, this woman could one day return, and why shouldn’t she have to face what she said to people. It’s not right for managers to say whatever pops into their heads without any consequence. I don’t think it’s really going to do anything, and honestly, I half expect my letter to get thrown in the bin, but boy do I feel so much better just having written it all down – officially, not just on my blog.

So here’s to a new month, and a new outlook on life. It’s time to be happy again, and I’m going to do my damndest to make sure I am happy. In fact, I think I might pull out the sewing machine again this weekend and do a bit of sewing, maybe do some reading. Maybe I might even do some scrapbooking, it’s been so long since I did any of these things, the opportunities are endless.

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