Happy New Year everyone out there. I hope that you all had a great 2011 and that the coming year is going to be smashing for you all and that every single one of your hopes and dreams for the future come to pass.
I’ve avoided looking at this blog for quite a few months, every time I looked at it I got sad and glum and realised that my life was spinning out of control and I didn’t quite know how to reign it all back in. But this is 2012 and it’s time for a new start, so I thought I’d do a quick re-cap on 2011, get it all out there and move on.
So let’s start by going over all the shit things that happened in 2011:
- I started off the year by having a job where I loved the work, but despised the system, department and most of the people I worked with, except maybe 2 people. I got a new manager who came in, took over, got rid of staff (including me), insulted a shitload of people, and then when she’d accomplished whatever it was she set out to accomplish, she moved on (actually ended up leaving about 3 weeks before I did. There were questions as to why I didn’t go to her farewell, I was honest and said I despised her and why would I be so two faced as to go and say goodbye and pretend I would miss her?).
- I applied for numerous positions, got rejected for numerous positions, with always the same line – we think you’re great “but”. It made me realise that I wished people would just be honest and not start off with the “we think you’re great” line… So after being rejected again, and again – I moved back to my old department. I ended up at a new campus, in a new faculty, with completely new staff, and yeah, I hated it. If I’m honest, I should admit that I never really gave it a chance. I was so gung-ho about never going back there, only to wind back up there felt like a complete and utter failure to me. I did good work there though, and I met some truly great people, so for that, I’m thankful.
- Issues with my mum still didn’t get resolved, so now a year and two months on, I still barely speak to her. I get the occasional text, when my stepfather isn’t around and she can sneak one in, but I find it hard to respond to these messages. I can’t get past the hurt that she would choose my stepfather over her own child, over something that had nothing to do with either of us. I have hopes that one day, in the future, my stepfather won’t be around and we can start to heal this rift between us, but I know it’s never going to be like it used to be. This makes me sad, but then I remember that I have Mick’s family, who love me and treat me like a daughter and I realise that I still have family who love me.
- I still haven’t had a baby. That kinda sucks… Actually, not kinda, it really sucks. I can hear that clock ticking, and it’s getting louder every day and with my approaching 36th birthday it’s like there’s a thunderstorm going on in my head, that’s how damn loud that clock is.
- I gained back a lot of the weight that I had lost back in 2010. It was a slow gradual creep. I saw it happening in the beginning of the year, I noticed the scales creeping up. I just didn’t know how to stop it. I felt that black cloud come over me so many times last year, the one that likes to push me into that big, huge black hole, that for me, means self medicating – with food. I’m coming to terms with this and learning to deal with the black cloud in other ways, that don’t include food and medication.
- I left some very dear friends and family behind in Adelaide… more on that to come, but in the good list…
So they were the bad things. The good things list, well that’s a little shorter, but it has so much more impact on my life:
- I got to meet the two most gorgeous little babies in the world. Little baby S and baby D. Born too many weeks early, and so tiny and scarily fragile when they were born, but now so full of life and gurgles and giggles. I fell in love with them the moment I saw them and am so happy that I’m going to get to see these two gorgeous babies grow up. I’m planning on marrying my future children off to the twins, so I hope their mum is okay with that. But she’s a pretty damn cool person herself, so I think she will be.
- I got to meet new friends. It started out by chatting to one of Mick’s friends on Facebook that he’d known for years, but I’d never met, and then finally, I met her and now count Mrs KW as a dear friend. She is like a new sister for me here, in a new place and we just clicked “like that”. I feel blessed (and yeah, that sounds corny coming from me but it’s 2012, it’s a new me).
- Now for the kicker of 2011. Mick and I moved. Not just around the corner, but we moved to the other side of the state, about 650km away from Adelaide, to Port Lincoln. Tina, the girl who never moved far from one central point in her life, up and left everything for a town and people that she didn’t know. And you know what? It’s the best damn thing I’ve ever done. Don’t get me wrong. I had moments where I wanted to stab myself because I thought I’d made the dumbest decision ever, but I haven’t and I know it. Had a bit of a hard time when we first moved over, because I didn’t have any work, and it took me about three months to find something, but a lot of that was me being quite picky with the jobs that I applied for. I’ve always had a problem with pride. I have too much of it, and I couldn’t bring myself to apply for a job at McDonalds, though it would have brought money in. But in the end, I applied for positions I thought sounded interesting and I won a super fantastic position, doing web design and marketing and I LOVE IT. I wish we’d moved over here so much earlier, but I’m just glad that we finally did make the move here. I think I’m going to be very happy with my life here now and don’t intend to ever leave this place.
- last but not least, I get to spend more time with Mick now. Back in Adelaide Mick had to work every other weekend, and I was working a minimum of 45mins away from home, so we really only ever saw each other in the evenings, and didn’t really get to spend that much quality time together. Over here in Port Lincoln, it takes me 3 minutes and 45 seconds to get to work (oh yeah, I timed it – it’s a whole 2.6km away from home…) and we both get hour lunch breaks, so every day it’s like having a date with my partner. He picks me up from work, we go home and have lunch together and talk, then he drops me back to work and we’re both happy. Being a nice small town, everything is close, we get to see each other more in the evenings and we get to do more with each other on the weekends – like fishing (another new thing I’ve come to love since moving away from Adelaide). With Mick only having to work one weekend in every month, it gives us plenty of “us” time.
You know, I think I could add a lot more to the good and bad list, but these are the main things of 2011. All up, last year wasn’t one of my best. But there were definitely the highlights on the list. I’m planning on 2012 being so much better and am planning on looking at the year ahead in a glass half full kind of way. Tomorrow is dreaded weigh-in day, so I can see just how much damage I’ve done over the past year, but more on that tomorrow…. Along with resolutions. Of which, I have many of course. As always.