Hurting bad

Today’s daily food intake…

Weigh in day – yesterday (oops)

Previous weight: 103.4kg.
Today’s weight: 102.6kg.
0.8kg loss

Today was not my day!

Finally, finally after so many times trying I got up at 6.20am ready and energised from yesterday to do my shuffle in the morning. Got myself dressed and out the door, ready to do the whole route this morning before I had to go home and get ready for work.

Right, well that lasted a whole ten f*cking minutes. I was really pumping my legs and jogging (it wasn’t even shuffling today, it was proper jogging) and my back was straight, my arms were pumping, I was breathing well…

Until.

Until my shoe found a rock (or a twig, or something, I don’t even know what now) and I fell. Not on my arse, no. Flat on my face. Arms outstretched, jarred my plated wrist and smacked my teeth into my lip. All I could do was get up in masses of pain and literally scream “Why the hell does this happen to me all the bloody time?” I was so upset. I was hurt, I was angry, I was sad and glum, I was every bad emotion you could think of.

It was at that point that I turned around and went home to assess the damage I’d managed to do to myself. So my total training time was 15 minutes. Unbelievable. Thankfully I didn’t chip any teeth, but the damage to my lip was not pretty. Sliced it nice and deep on the inside, bruised it at the bottom and managed to slice the outside of my lips both top and bottom. But the worst is that the impact of smacking my hand into the ground has left me with terrible wrist pain again all day, not to mention the fact that my palm is all grazed up too.

The damage I do to myself

More damage

But seriously, the worst part of it all is not the physical injuries but the mental thoughts going around and around in my head now. It took me so long to work up the courage to get out there and try running, telling myself that of course I’m not going to fall over again, I’m not going to break any more bones. And now I’ve gone and done that. Fallen over and hurt myself again and it sounds stupid, but I’m so damn scared of doing it again, because I really, really, really don’t want to break any more bones. I don’t want any more plates in my body and more than anything I don’t want any more scars on my body. But that’s all arguing with the want to be able to get out there and run. At the moment though, I just don’t know which voice in my head is going to win. But I do think I need to look at my exercise plan and perhaps change it in case I don’t get back out there shuffling.


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3 Comments

  • Yvette

    February 16, 2012 at 8:52 pm

    Oh that is so disheartening. I hope you can work through those negative thoughts.

  • Stef

    February 17, 2012 at 6:34 am

    Oh no Tina! I’m sorry to hear about your bad time – how are you feeling the morning after? Hopefully the swelling has gone down and your wrist feels better? Please don’t let this episode turn you off exercising? And your goals!

    You’ve been doing so well!!! And your posts have actually inspired me to start …….. Let’s see if I can pronounce this word ……… Jog-ging? Is that right?

    See that word has NEVER been in my vocabulary but I’m now thinking I can give it a shot……

  • Tina

    February 17, 2012 at 7:50 am

    Hiya Stef and Yvette, thank you both so much for your kind words.

    I didn’t get out there this morning sadly, very stiff and sore today. But Stef, if I’ve inspired you to start umm what was that word Jog-ging?? Then I have no excuses not to get back out there and do it. I’m heading off to the chemist at lunch today to get some lovely painkillers and then this afternoon when I get home from work, I’m going to get back out there and do it! Want to join me? Virtually of course 🙂

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