12WBT days twenty five to twenty eight – Feeling like a failure

I have so many mixed emotions going on in my head right now I don’t know if I’m coming or going. I haven’t blogged for the last few days, because there wasn’t any point. I wasn’t going to be able to write how I had gotten in some great exercise, or how I had eaten fantastically. All I would have been able to say was that I was eating – crap food – but eating. Thrown in among it would be a bit of good food, and of course the thought that I should be eating this good food all the time. But even knowing that I should be eating healthier, and knowing that I can do it, that I have been doing it, the past week has just been hard and I admit that I have caved. Oh and let me not forget the no exercise bit. I didn’t do my mini milestone, and I haven’t done my fitness test. Those two things I can honestly put down to being sick, but it still doesn’t make me feel good that I’ve missed them.

I could make a lot of excuses, like how we have hardly been home, but out and about, coming and going at odd hours of the day. I could even use the excuse of how I have a raging cold, that is quickly turning into the flu, but the truth is, I was weak and I should have prepared better and not let the temptation get to me.

So that has brought back all my feelings of self doubt, feelings of failure, which is starting to affect me in my day to day life. I woke up this morning to go back to work for my first day after taking last week off, having the worst case of the flu. I have issues with my car not unlocking first thing in the morning, and of course, today was no different. I went outside to get in the car, and the doors wouldn’t open. I broke down. Just completely lost it. Sat there bawling my eyes out. So now I’m just trying to work out if my eating and lack of exercise is connected to these extreme emotions that I seem to be going through, or just because I’m sick.

I have decided though that I am going to use this last week as an example of how easy it is to get lulled into a false sense of security. That yes, there are going to be times in my life when I’m not going to be home to make dinner and get my proper food organised, but I’m going to have to make sure that I still try to make the correct choices wherever I am. It has also made me realise just how on the ball I’m going to have to be for the rest of my life. There aren’t any easy roads where I can sit down, munch on a bag of chips and not have it affect me in some way. Pity it’s taken a bad couple of weeks into such a great program for me to realise that huh?

So haven’t had dinner yet, and to be honest, not really sure that I will tonight. Not so hungry with all the mucus I have sitting in my head right now, but I shall put my daily stats up a little later.


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