Articles by Tina

I’m still a loser.

Food, Gym stuff, News, Personal, Weight Loss
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And most times when people read something like that, they will think that person is very self negative.  Well for once I mean that in a great way.  Didn’t have the best week with eating and gyming (great week for the pub and no sleep but) and yet I still managed to lose 1kg.  Not as great as the first couple of weeks when I was losing over 1.5kg, but I was never going to be able to keep that up.  So I’m pretty chuffed with losing 1kg.  I’m now down into the double digits!!!

YAY ME!!!!!

I have put an update of my weight progress and such up on Calorific and I have also finally updated my monthly pics over at Progress Pics.  So pretty much I am now all up to date.  Now I just have to work on gyming it properly and eating properly for the next week and try and keep up that 1kg weight loss.  I have a friends birthday on the 25th November and he’s getting a tattoo as his birthday present – which he knows.  I promised him that when he goes to get his done, I will go and get mine done also.  So I have until the 25th November to lose another 4kg, so that I can get my 10kg weight loss tattoo reward.  I think it’s doable.

Sorry to anyone who visited in the last 10 hours or so, my WordPress template was not behaving itself and had some serious issues (hell and I thought I had issues……….), but it all seems good now.  If you do have problems viewing anything, please  drop me a line and let me know about it.  Cheers.

Pulling my hair out

Wordpress
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Well as you can see the old layout is back up.  Please bear with me as I try and sort the other one out.  For some reason the new birdy layout won’t go to any of the archives, comments or recent entries.  So I’m trying to sort it, but until then you have to put up with this layout.  Will put a proper post up later today.

Updated:
Okay the layout is fixed and I’m a little behind in my work now, so I will put that proper post up a little later today.

All the mundane things

Boring, General, Love Life, Personal
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Okay so it’s Monday again and the week started off a beauty with me sleeping in.  Then I had to rush to get ready for work and if there is one thing that I hate doing is rushing first thing in the morning.  I like to be able to take my time, eat a nice leisurely breakfast without having to scoff it down.  But this morning didn’t really start like that.  And while that would normally send me into a panic of gloom and doom about the rest of the week I am going to keep a great positive outlook and MAKE this a fantastic week – of weightloss, gym going and general life stuff.  So on that note I sat down this morning and worked out my gym timetable.  I have given myself plenty to do, so that I’m going to be stuffed and not tempted to go down the pub and drink until 2am and consequently get only 4 hours sleep.  I can’t do that again this week.  But I will go down on the weekend to catch up with people again 🙂

Had a really nice quiet weekend this week, which after the last few hectic weekends was really nice.  Just kinda sat at home and mooched.  If I wasn’t there I was mooching at Miss Mum’s with ‘lil Munchkin.  I did a LOT of mooching!!!!!  Went to the gym on Friday afternoon though and Saturday  morning so I didn’t skip out on the gym which was good, because I was so tempted to.  I got myself a nice black and blue finger for my efforts though, which I’m not really impressed about.  I just wish that when people did boxing, they concentrated on the dot that is on their sparring partners gloves.  It’s a big dot, not that hard to miss, and certainly nowhere near the top of my fingers (hence my finger – complete with acrylic nail getting pulled back).  So now I have a little band around my severly swollen finger.  Did you all know that it’s quite difficult to grab a weight when you can’t wrap your hand around it properly?  Well I didn’t either until Saturday.  Never mind though, it will go away soon enough.

I did have an exciting Friday night however.  Went to the pub and won a nice Sunbeam espresso machine which made me kinda chuffed.  Also won a bottle of Vodka.  But that didn’t make me AS happy because all I wanted to do was drink it and you will all be proud to know that I didn’t touch a DROP of alcohol all weekend.  Well even if you aren’t proud I am.  And then I sat there perving on some guy in the pub.  Seen him once or twice, but I have no idea who he is, but he is lovely.  Got busted a few times by him while I was perving on him, but oh well.  If I had more guts, or confidence in myself (of which I have none to really speak of) I would have gone up to him, but no no I let it all slip away and now he’s gone. *sigh* maybe if I see him again I will actually go up and talk to him…….  But then again.

Okay well enough of my boring ramblings today.  Shall post tomorrow and fill you all in on how I did with weigh in tonight – and again, not looking forward to that……

Juggling

Gym stuff, Musings, Personal
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I have come to the realisation that I have problems trying to do more than one thing at a time.  I’m having problems trying to juggle work, the gym and having a life.  No I shouldn’t say having a life, because going to the gym has become a part of my life now.  I’m having problems with trying to juggle work, the gym and a good time with friends.

I’ve been trying to do all of them at once and something had to give and unfortunately it was pretty much the gym and for the last couple of weeks I have gotten really really slack about going to the gym.  When I first started going I was going nearly every day, then I upped it to every day, and two times a week I was going twice a day.  Now I’m lucky if I’m going 4 times a week.  Yes I have been very slack.

My reason for this?  I was busy partying.  That meant that I was way to tired to do something as mundane as going to the gym.  And now I have realised that I can’t go to bed at 2am and get up at 6am 3 nights in a row.  Okay one of the nights I was in bed by 12:30.  But I counted, and I have had 14 hours sleep over the last 3 nights and quite frankly – I’m stuffed.  (Yes Miss Mum you were right!  It caught up with me.)  I have no energy when I’m at work, (let’s be honest, I’d rather not be here anyway sleep or no sleep) and I have no energy when I go to the gym.  I kinda just mooch around in a daze, and don’t put my full effort into it.

I’m trying to be a lot more positive today (apart from the I’m so tired I want to drop right where I am thing), but there is a boxing class on today at 3:30pm, so I have made an executive decision and I’m leaving early, going to the gym, stopping off to get a nice healthy dinner, then going home to watch a movie and go to bed early, so I have lots of energy tomorrow to get up and go to the gym for Body Pump and Body Combat.  I need to kick my arse into gear and stop saying that “I’m going to do better this week” and actually DO it.  So tonight I am bypassing the pub and the clubs, there will be no drinking and dancing for me.  And I’m going to work out a schedule for myself so that I can actually try and fit everything in – work, gym and socialising.

I have just realised how much simpler life was when I was content to be fat and not worry about going to the gym and trying to juggle everything.  I also didn’t mind going out till 2am and then going into work (more often than not hungover), but now I’m starting to care.  Maybe not so much about work, but definately starting to care about stuffing up everything with the gym.

Self Sabotage

Food, General, Musings, Personal, Sad Times
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When you are trying to eat well and exercise you usually do it for a reason right?  My reason of course, is to lose all that extra extra extra weight that I have.  So with that in mind, and remembering that I have given myself little mini treats everytime I lose 5kg, you think that maybe it would help me keep on track wouldn’t you?

For the last couple of weeks I haven’t been happy Tina.  I’ve just been Tina.  Don’t get me wrong, I go out and I’m happy, but it’s all just a front.  I go home and I get all depressive again.  But that’s it, I keep going out.  And I’m eating crap and I’m back onto the whole binge drinking thing again.  I go down to the pub during the week and I’m okay, I still eat okay, and I drink water (and let me tell you, I’m getting a reputation down there now for being sad and glum, simply because I’m drinking water and not alcohol). 

But come the weekend – Friday night – I go from the gym straight to the pub.  I go with the intention of only having water, or Zero Coke, but my resolve crumbles and I have ONE drink.  And I keep telling myself that it’s okay I will only have ONE drink.  But I never do.  Then I start remembering how much fun I have when I have more to drink (even though I know that I still have fun when I’m sober), and everyone else is drinking around me, and then we go out dancing and I drink and drink and drink.  The way I justify it?  I dance.  And I say it’s okay, whatever I’m drinking at the moment I am working off with all the dancing (because when I start dancing I just don’t stop and I spend the rest of the night dancing, it really could be a good workout if I stuck to water lol).

And that is just the drinking.  Then there is my eating crap food.  Probably not as big a problem as my drinking at the moment.  But I get the feeling it’s just sitting there in the background till I stop drinking then that will raise it’s ugly head and pop up to say hi.

So anyway, I was babysitting Munchkin yesterday and wondering to myself why  I do it.  Is it because deep down I don’t really want to lose weight?  I mean, I know I do, but what if I lose weight and I’m still this sad loner of a creature.  What if my life doesn’t turn around the way I hope it will.  What will I have to blame then?  If I’m not overweight, I don’t have anything else to blame except myself.  It’s kind of nice being fat, cos I can always just blame that – “Oh that person doesn’t like fat people!!” But what if?  I think maybe I need to just try and get all of those negative thoughts out of my head and just concentrate on losing weight.  Tackle all the what if’s when I have reached my goal weight, because god knows that will take long enough.

On a positive note though – even though I did have shitloads of alcohol on the weekend I still lost 900gm, which has brought me down to 100kg even!  Which means I can get my first 5kg reward (okay technically I have only lost 4.6kg, but it makes it easier to bring it to the 100 even mark.  My next reward won’t be till 95kg okay…..)  So I’m pretty chuffed.  But I also realise I have to be extra good this week or those alcoholic drinks are going to creep into next weeks weigh in……

Feeling a little more positive today.

Good sites, Gym stuff, Personal, Sad Times
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Only feeling a little more positive.  But it’s a start. I got up at 5:45am today and went to the gym first thing and I honestly think that was what helped me to cheer up a little.  Course as the day wears on and people at work piss me off I get a little crankier, so I’m off to the gym after work today and I’m going to do a Pilates class.  If that doesn’t calm me then nothing will.

Miss Mum made an interesting point to me this morning at the gym.  She noticed that every time I am around Miss Vapid, that I get angry.  It’s so true.  I really do.  There is something about her that just gets to me and makes me angry at the world.  Maybe that’s why I’ve been in a funk the past few days, because I have seen so bloody much of her, can’t get away.  I think it has gotten to the point where I have to actually tell her that I can’t stand her and can she leave me the fuck alone.  Maybe not quite in those words, but something similar.  She does my head in.

So I read a blog today that I have never been to before – Dietgirl – and it’s a big inspiration.  I have been toying around with putting my photos up for everyone to see, and I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, but I have decided that bugger it I’m going to.  It’s not like anyone knows me anyway and if you do – too bad, it’s me, you should know what I look like by now. So if you’re interested in seeing my before and after photos (okay at the moment there are only before photos – haven’t quite gotten to the after bit yet, give me about oh say 2 years….) then head over to my Progress Pictures page.  I have to get Miss Mum to take pics of me this week because I had my monthly measurements taken on Monday, so should probably do a monthly pic.  It will be there soon.

When you just don’t give a stuff….

General, Gym stuff, Personal, Sad Times
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Lack of motivation has been a real problem for me lately.  I have gotten into this funk again where I just don’t care about anything.  I don’t care about the gym, I don’t care about work, I just can’t be bothered doing anything.  I would be quite happy at the moment to just crawl into bed and stay there for a few weeks.  It’s becoming a struggle in the mornings to get out of bed and do something.

At first I put it down to just being on holidays too long and being bored, but that’s not it.  I don’t really know what it is.  I know that I still want to lose weight and go to the gym and get fit, but at the moment, I just want it to happen without me having to do anything about it.  If God was nice to me, he’d let me just stay in bed for these few weeks and have my weight just magically drop off.  But God is never nice to me, so therefore I get out of bed and go to work, struggle to stay awake during the day and then traipse off to the gym and pretend to care about what I’m doing.

I’ve gotten back into the habit of going to the pub in the evenings.  What I used to do all the time, especially after Mr. Dickhead went back home, just going to the pub and sitting there all night drinking and talking.  Which I did again last night, except that there wasn’t any drinking, lots of talking and I was stuck with Miss Vapid and she was driving me nuts talking about her ex (again) and then she texted him and he never responded and I just plain faced said doesn’t matter don’t bother don’t care.  Not sure that she actually realised I meant that I don’t care.  So bloody self centered she is.  But even that didn’t get me all worked up like it usually does.  I usually end up getting so goddamn pissy with her, but last night – no emotion – just couldn’t be arsed.  And that is my problem a lot lately – just can’t be arsed.  Need to get out of that!

On the plus side, even with all my drinking over the weekend, I didn’t gain weight last week.  Didn’t lose a lot (only 200gm) but hey, it’s still better than gaining it.  Only 900gm to lose till I can get my 5kg reward.  Go Tina Go Tina Go Go Go Tina………

Weigh in day today

Food, Gym stuff, Personal
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Oh shit oh shit oh shit!

I have had such a bad week of eating.  Well actually no not really.  Just the last 4 days haven’t been great.  Not been eating properly and have been drinking again.  I kinda fell off and lost all motivation.  It’s not because the food was boring or anything, I just didn’t WANT to eat properly.  Even while eating crap I would be sitting there saying to myself that this was bad, it was dumb, why was I doing this to myself but I still ate crap.

Then I made the fatal decision to go to the pub.  Only really went down there because I was going to go and see Mr Stretch, but I should have known that I wouldn’t be able to go and NOT drink.  I did okay on Thursday night, was sitting there for a couple hours drinking only water, then Mr Stretch decided I needed alcohol like everyone else and bought me a drink – Apple Cruiser no less – full of sugar.  And did I stop at the one drink?  Well no of course not, because 4 hours later I was still drinking.

Lets see, what did I do on Friday night?  Oh yes, I went out drinking and dancing – again drinking all night, and to top it off, I did it all over again on Saturday night.  So I’ve completely buggered up my week of eating properly and I’m fully expecting to put weight on tonight and I really don’t want to go and get weighed because Miss Perky will just give me hell for it – and rightly so.  Wish me luck.

R.I.P. Wanda

Personal
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Sad news on my fishy front.  Wanda (my faithful companion of 7 months) sadly passed away last week while I was on leave from work.  I only found this out yesterday when Mr Miserable decided to phone me from work and let me know that the fish was dead and that he thought Wanda had been dead for a week cos he hadn’t moved at all and was just lying at the bottom of the tank.

Yes I realise it may have been a little irresponsible for me to go on leave without my fish, and to leave him in the (murderous) hands of Mr Miserable, but I really thought that he would look after Wanda – apparently I was wrong!  So today I had to come into work and bury my fish,  (look out Bolivar, Wanda is heading your way) and clean his (yes I did say his – Wanda was a male fish, who had identity crisis – hence the name) tank out.  So it is with a heavy heart that I do this post and say goodbye once and for all to my faithful little friend.  He will be missed.  Even sadder is the fact that the one photo that I had of Wanda is gone.  Lost forever now.  I’m crying.

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